The Grinder

In the past 5 years:

• I left a very solid job that was leading me to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to take a job with a dot com in Austin, Texas
• The dot com exploded less than 9 months later and offered me a voluntary severance and a threat of an involuntary severance

• I sent out over 200 resumes over a 4-year time period
• We had a son...who is now a rough-and-tumble pre-schooler of almost four years..our other three kids grew a lot without Dad around
  
• We had 21 months of full-time income in 54 months
• We exhausted the majority of our retirement savings
• I was accused of not "doing enough" to make the situation better
• We had phone calls on a weekly basis for about six months from 10 creditors that deserved to be repaid...and that we had no money to repay
• Our church tried to care...then our close friends found they couldn't deal...and dropped off one by one
• Jen's ministry to others became visible and viable as God caused unchurched friends to reach out to HER
• Another unchurched, unemployed friend who was laid off when we were let us stay with him in his home for 2.5 years...we made it through...but just barely...and even he is starting a new job next week!!
  
• I spent 20 of the past 27 months on the road mostly away from my wife and from my children...and my dad said "look how God took care of you"
  

I've been through the Grinder. God promises that "All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are (the) called, according to his purposes." But that doesn't stop life from being a grind. Sometimes it is bone wearying. And sometimes you die from life.

Rob Zinn, my pastor from my senior year of high school, used to say that God squeezes us to see what is inside. If we're supposed to be oranges, then lemon juice shouldn't come out when we go through difficulty. He never said what should come out after we're emptied out and dry as a stone, but the Bible hints that you can't get blood from a stone.

I'm thinking that what comes out of the Grinder is salt. It comes in two varieties: that which is useful to God and that which is only worthy of keeping the weeds from overtaking the path. One has savor...the other has lost its flavor.

Do we determine which we are? Or is that entirely in God's hands? Is his promise of redemption conditional or unconditional? Is one "dose" of belief enough? Does Jesus actually allow some of us--like Judas--to slip out of his hands?

These are serious questions and I have a very serious, and well-thought out answer:

I...don't...know.

But I'm trusting that HE does and that he knows what he's doing. Life isn't beanbag...sometimes it hurts. But I believe that someone who died on a cross for my sin gets that. And I wonder if there really is anyone other than he that really DOES get that?

My challenge is this: take me seriously and give up the pat answers. Be willing to go through the Grinder with me and see what comes out. Savor? Or no flavor? Sweet orange juice? Bitter lemon juice? Or just the agony of being completely poured out?