Pedantics R Us
Perhaps who I am as a person is centrally wrong and many of the events that have happened to us are God's way of getting my attention to try and redirect me. Trust me that thought has occurred to me many times over the past several years.
Tonight I am confronting it again. From time to time, though, certain people in my life will actually see through and understand. They accept me for who I am rather than expecting me to be something different.
One of these people was a friend named Kim from Haltom High School. At the time she was dating the guy that would be my roommate my freshman year at Texas A&M. They seemed to have it together. She was a cheerleader type. He was a good looking football type. For some reason they liked me and we enjoyed sitting together in English and in French.
During English one day we were doing vocabulary sentences...you know...where the teacher gives you a word and you write a sentence about it. Kim wrote this about me as her sentence for the word pedantic:
At first, Greg seemed very pedantic, but as I have gotten to know him I realized he is genuinely intelligent.
If you feel that I am boasting with that sentence, please read it again. It isn't exactly pleasant to be told that--at first blush--you seem pedantic and fake. While I knew she meant it as a compliment and wasn't trying to hurt me when she wrote that, it REALLY stung. I remember smiling bravely while my head was swimming. I remember being very close to tears.
Thinking back to that today, I realize that sometimes the pedanticism is just a mask. I portray myself as smart and capable in order to be respected/accepted. But I also know that if I have to choose between the two, I have an easier time with being respected. Being accepted has always been a bit of a fool's errand in my opinion. And yet I SENSE that somehow that is essential to life...placing acceptance over the expectation of respect.
I write this knowing that some will be offended by it. Please trust me, gentle reader, that it is not intended to offend. It is an attempt to deal seriously with a part of me that I wonder about. And to expose that this is an area of real vulnerability for me. I simply don't KNOW at times how to handle this.
I'm sure we could all find some good bible verses that deal with it. God brought Luke 12:48 to my attention once and it is a private theme for me ever since:
Luke 12:47-48 NIV "That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. 48But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.The passage in context expresses a certain amount of exasperation with those who don't take spiritual things deeply seriously. And you can't miss the fact that in a red-letter Bible these letters are red...that is to say...Jesus spoke them.
Jesus' approach is often puzzling. On one hand he accepts Mary's worship while appearing to chastise Martha's diligence. On the other hand, he gets all over the disciples for their lack of SERIOUS faith...as in not casting out demons and not trusting God to carry them safely over rough waters. You get the feeling that trying to reduce life to a set of rules just doesn't please God. But you also get the feeling that not taking the rules seriously (aka LAW) also displeases him ("I come not to do away with the Law but that the Law will be fulfilled".)
So sometimes we dive into understanding and knowledge to try and figure out how to handle it. Iwas one of those kids who READ about Solomon's choice to pray for wisdom and immediately got on my knees and said "me too!!" I understood that meant--in order to be serious with God--asking for wisdom meant putting a priority on getting that and even completely rejecting the expectation of "riches" in this life. But as I look back at my life, I know a number of people that are very close to me who think of me as a spendthrift...someone who is focused on material goods. And no amount of arguing with them will change their minds!!
As I think through that, I realize the deep isolation that we all live in. Very few people get a clear glimpse of someone else. And if they see clearly, they may very well grasp hold of an incomplete picture of this unfinished work of art that God is completing. They might focus on the unfinished parts instead of the whole picture.
If you've ever seen a partially completed piece of art, you understand that longing for closure that evokes in you. It is VERY easy to reject artistic expression before it is realized or completed. It is also VERY easy to judge the finished piece based on its impact when it was incomplete. We actually stare at the change and attempt to judge whether the CHANGE was good or not!!
We're like that with people. We believe our own talent to critically look at another and to judge whether that person is being "expressed" by God in a pleasing fashion or not. I am guilty of this! Who isn't?? On the other hand, life really cannot be "anything goes." We have an obligation to stand in the gap and to oppose evil. How do we do both?
At the risk of oversimplifying, may I offer a one word answer:
Spiritually
Somehow our spirit must connect to their spirit. Both are unseen, but the spirit of the person IS knowable. We aren't there to judge that spirit. We are there to connect to it in deep, serious ways. Perhaps God will use us to guide the spiritual growth of another person, but we must realize both our personal limitations (dare I say shortcomings??) and God's ownership of the process of guiding growth.
The process of guiding a person to maturity is, perhaps, the ONE area in life where we are not stewards. We can ONLY be fellow pilgrims...companions in spiritual growth. We cannot and MUST not attempt to own another person's growth. Only God can truly own that.
But the sweetest thing in the world is to connect and to understand and to be understood. While Kim's sentence at first hurt me when I read it, my insecurity turned into sweet comfort when God whispered these words in my ears that day:
"She means it."
Getting past the gloss and the dross of everyday life requires spending time seeking out the spirit of the people around us. I honestly believe that our first step in personal evangelism should not be to share but to know the other person deeply. As we express our desire to know them, they will come to know us too...warts and all (frogiveness anyone???)
And as we reach that point of intimacy, trust builds, and we become fellow pilgrims...companions going alongside each other down the road. With the grace of God, we can live our lives visibly in such a way that our choices point ourselves and others towards heaven. Life on our own (under the sun, living outside of grace) is necessarily ungracious.
Isn't it beautiful that one of the Greek words for the Holy Spirit is "paraclete"? It literally means "one who comes alongside". God chooses to become a fellow pilgrim with us in our search for him if we will HONESTLY and FERVENTLY seek him. To do that is very simple but requires ALL that you are:
Romans 10:9-11 NIV (That) if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 11As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."
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